


Mine, Ours, Always

by through-the-stars-to-the-pavement (delicate_mageflower)



Series: Sun, Stars, Earth [8]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Assassination Attempt(s), Bisexuality, Emotional Rollercoaster, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Injury, Kyoshi Warriors - Freeform, M/M, Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar) - Freeform, Major Character Injury, Mental Illness, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Neurodiversity, Nightmares, Non-Linear Narrative, Overprotective Sokka, Ozai is The Worst™, Past Child Abuse, Post-Hundred Year War - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Unconventional Parenting Dynamics, Zuko is a great dad, Zuko's Scar, cactus juice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26110381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicate_mageflower/pseuds/through-the-stars-to-the-pavement
Summary: "I wonder how old we'll be before our ages catch up with our experience.""I'm pretty sure we'll die first."A minorly controversial political meeting turns out to be a setup.Zuko is mortally wounded in the fray. Sokka and Suki watch over him.They've all been through too much already.
Relationships: Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Sun, Stars, Earth [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967482
Comments: 42
Kudos: 392





	Mine, Ours, Always

**Author's Note:**

> Or: I just read about a thousand Zuko assassination attempt fics and figured this must be obligatory, same for fics with not quite linear narratives, so here goes mine.
> 
> Featuring excessive use of italics, some references to the comics, only vaguely portrayed but wholeheartedly intended autistic Zuko and ADHD Sokka, shifting tenses and perspectives, warning of a few emeto mentions, a bit of wibbly wobbly medical wedical because fuck it there's magic water, and a lot of emotions.

Being the Fire Lord comes with a lot of baggage.

When Zuko was a child, he wanted this. Because it was expected of him. The throne was his birthright, and that was the end of that. When he was a teenager, he wanted this. The throne was a symbol of his honor, of his father’s love, of the life he was being denied and needed to reclaim.

***

_When Zuko was born, he lacked a spark. It was the first time his father deemed him unworthy of life, but not the last. He wasn’t killed, but it was considered, also for the first and not last time._

_He fought. He fought so hard to be good enough. To be loved. He had his mother, had her protection, but he wanted not to need it so badly._

_Especially since one day, she was gone._

_He’d nearly died again, nearly been murdered by his father again. She stopped it, but that meant she had to leave. That meant he was alone._

_And his father still did not see him as worthy._

***

When Zuko joined Team Avatar, he no longer wanted this. What he wanted was irrelevant as the throne was now beyond his reach anyway, but he knew then that leadership was not meant for him. He is too awkward, too timid. He’s always been so gentle, it was one of the many things his father hated about him. He is not equipped to lead a nation, and that’s fine. When Zuko found his uncle, he knew that would all be fixed, that Iroh would take his rightful place on the throne and everything would be better. When Iroh told him the new Fire Lord had to be Zuko, he could not deny it. He didn’t want it, but Iroh made good points. And he didn’t ever want to let his uncle down like he had in Ba Sing Se again.

***

_He watched his father ascend to the throne and blatantly play favorites, watched him mold Azula in his image and craft her into the gifted loyal child, so cunning and calculated and cruel, that he could never be._

_When Uncle Iroh came back, he tried his damnedest to nurture Zuko as his mother no longer could and his father never would._

_Still, Zuko remained desperate to prove himself, to become worthy in the eyes of the Fire Lord. He never imagined Ozai was the one who was not worthy of him._

***

Being the Fire Lord comes with a lot of baggage. Nothing about this is easy. Now that he has this kind of power, Zuko will never understand people who grab power only for power’s sake. Because it also comes with unfathomable amounts of responsibility and accountability. It means having to quickly learn no decision will ever make everyone happy.

And when becoming Fire Lord means undoing and reforming pretty much everything a country has been and done for literally over a hundred years, it means making many people _very_ angry.

Which also means, on occasion, being subject to attempted murder.

And for most leaders this would be a jarring experience at best. For Zuko, on the other hand, it comes with the added bonus of triggering his post-traumatic stress to the extent he’s pretty sure he’s had would-be assassins abandon their crusade out of pity.

***

_Zuko could never forget begging on his hands and knees for mercy, sobbing in front of everyone in the royal agni kai chamber while he pleaded for kindness from a man who possessed none._

_He could never forget shaving his head after, readying himself to leave his homeland, struggling in the mirror without the sight of his left eye. Shaving his head was only a formality of tradition, anyway. The bandages covering the left side of his face, and then whatever it was going to look like beneath them, served more than enough as their own symbol of humility._

_Worse yet, Iroh had to help him finish the job, when on his own he could not properly navigate the burns where they eroded into his hairline, nicking the grotesque wound when he crept beneath its wrappings, reopening the edges. It was too fresh, hadn’t even begun to mend. The pain and bleeding made him physically ill, and Iroh lectured him after finding him passed out in a puddle of his own vomit for being too stubborn to ask for the help he should have known he would need. Iroh was only trying to show him love, but Zuko had nearly set the whole ship on fire, he was so angry he couldn’t do this by himself._

***

And those who attempt to take his life _must_ be caught and brought to justice not only to be sure they do not repeat their crime and later succeed, but also because word of this _cannot_ get out.

Ever since Suki became the head of his guard, he’s been relatively safe. She terrifies people, and that’s been most helpful. Having Sokka nearby seems to help, too, even in his position as an ambassador, as no one has forgotten his role in ending the Hundred Year War, and his tale is in fact legendary.

Zuko, too, is strong and brave and a fierce legend in his own right. His loved ones tell him his trauma responses do not negate this. His advisors insist this remain his public image.

***

_He had been tasked with finding the Avatar, who’d been missing for nearly a hundred years. Only then would he be welcome back home._

_It never occurred to him that this was only a sick joke. He actually believed he had been given a real assignment, he never stopped to think that it was thought to be an impossible goal and was therefore only given to him as a taunt. Iroh knew, but he never said. He could not bear to take away Zuko’s last sense of hope._

_But Zuko wouldn’t even stop to heal. He demanded they get straight to work, fighting through the incredible pain of his fresh injuries which would easily incapacitate him. But he tried so hard. Because he so desperately wanted the love and acceptance he was told he could claim in tales he was so sure were sincere._

_He was a laughing stock within the palace. No one expected ever to see him again. No one missed him. Rejected, cast out, worthless._

_The Banished Prince. Disgraced. Undeserving. Nobody._

***

He wakes up the same way he does every morning: Sokka on one side, Suki on the other, tangled in a mess of limbs and love.

No matter how stressful his job can be, it always helps knowing this is what’s waiting for him.

Today, however, is destined to be a stressful one, indeed. He is booked solid with meetings all fucking day. A couple will involve Sokka, and Suki virtually never lets him out of her sight, but he still hates knowing he has to get up and leave this early and won’t get to come back to it until far too late.

Neither of his partners move as he wriggles his way up and out of bed, and he is glad he managed not to wake them.

He dons his full Fire Lord regalia, carefully fixes his hair and places his crown piece.

He is able to be quiet and gentle enough kissing Sokka and then Suki on their foreheads before he gets to work that they do not stir.

He smiles at them before he exits to meet Ty Lee outside his room. They are so beautiful, and they look so peaceful, glowing under the rays of morning sun sneaking in through the curtains.

His first meeting is in regards to his ongoing and much too slow going plans to completely overhaul the Fire Nation education system. All he wants to do will take time to implement, with the vast amounts of reform he has planned, but these sessions are never dangerous, only indescribably annoying and often monotonous. So it’s fine Suki won’t be up for another hour. She’ll join him at the next meeting. Ty Lee is more than capable enough to escort him when there is risk, of course, but in reality no one is needed with him now. Ty Lee is just here as a precaution. One can never be too careful.

But they both know it’s unnecessary. So they banter idly on the way to the room where this is happening, chatting and laughing like normal people for the few minutes it takes to reach their destination.

***

_He was always such an easy target. So alone._

_Other children didn’t understand him. His “family” didn’t care to. He was isolated and lonely. So alone._

_He always had a heart of gold. But Ozai had tried so hard to beat it out of him—both figuratively and literally._

_Zuko likes to remember their early vacations to Ember Island as when his “family was actually happy.” But he knows that’s a lie._

_He tried to rescue a turtlecrab from being eaten as a child. He wanted to protect the weak, the helpless. But then he panicked, conflicted, about harming the eaglehawk hunting it by denying it its food. He didn’t know what to do, couldn’t make up his mind. He didn’t get to. He was taken away by a wave. He nearly drowned._

_Ozai, a man who had wanted him dead since his birth, rescued him. He didn’t understand it, and it wasn’t until he was an adult he realized it was only for the sake of appearances._

_Ozai did not stay with him while Ursa took care of him. He spent the rest of the day vomiting water, a painful reminder of how close this call was._

_He was grateful to Ozai for helping him. He was so confused when Ozai later that night laid his hands on him, made to punish him for being so stupid, so weak, so careless._

_His mother called him gentle, called him sweet. Ozai called him cruel words, names meant to scar his mind much the same way he would later scar his face._

_He did not scream, he did not cry. He didn’t want to alert his mother. He didn’t want to upset her. He kept quiet._

***

“Fire Lord Zuko, with all due respect…” A stern old man with short grey hair purses his lips across the table, and Zuko could swear he can hear Ty Lee rolling her eyes. “I cannot sit by without officially voicing my opposition to removing Fire Lord Sozin’s name from our teachings of the Great Comet. It’s an injustice to our heritage to—”

“A ‘heritage’ that’s barely over a hundred years old,” Zuko retorts. “It was known only as the Great Comet for _centuries_ before, and only became known as Sozin’s Comet because he used it to commit _genocide._ That is _not_ the heritage I want the Fire Nation to be remembered for. This is not the legacy I intend to carry on. When I took the throne, I was very clear there was much we needed to change in order to restore peace and balance to the world, a peace and balance _our nation_ had disrupted. This is just one small part of this goal, but it _is_ a part.”

“Traitor!” another man shouts. “You are a traitor to your nation, your people, and now you so blatantly disrespect your own ancestry? How dare you…”

And in the blink of an eye, swords are drawn.

This was a setup.

Ty Lee’s time in the circus has done nothing but favors for Zuko. She effortlessly flitters around the room, disabling armed man after armed man. Unfortunately, there are more waiting outside, and the room is filling up faster than Ty Lee can get around it.

“Ty Lee,” Zuko calls to her, flames shooting from his hands, and she rushes back to his side. “Ty Lee, get out of here. Find Mai and Izumi. Protect them. Do not let _anyone_ touch them.”

“Zuko, I won’t leave you—”

“Fine, get Suki. She’s in my room. You know the emergency knock, right?”

Ty Lee nods.

“Knock on my door, then get to Izumi. Don’t wait for an answer, just knock and run. No harm will come to my daughter, Ty Lee. No matter what happens, you protect her _at all costs._ Do you understand me?”

She nods again.

“Alright now, _go!”_

Ty Lee gracefully maneuvers herself over the heads of the crowd closing in and out the door, and Zuko is a rage of lightning.

He’s never made lightning before, and it hasn’t been for any lack of trying. But all he can think about is keeping Izumi safe, and that carries him through his attack.

And Suki will know, so she’ll be okay. And that means Sokka will be okay.

His family will be safe, and that’s what matters most.

Creating lightning is every bit as exhilarating and terrifying as redirecting it.

But he can’t stop. He won’t stop. Part of protecting his family also means trying to protect himself. He won’t let them lose him.

So he fights.

***

_“I’ll show you lightning!”_

_He hadn’t really meant to tease Azula, only to prepare. He knew it was coming. He knew she’d pull out her favorite trick eventually. He didn’t mean to say it out loud, but maybe he just wanted to get it out of the way. She was slipping and he was winning. That would be her last ditch effort, he was only hoping to end this._

_He never expected her to go for Katara. He couldn’t let her hurt Katara._

_He knew when he dove in to take the attack that he wasn’t going to be quick enough. It wasn’t a matter of skill, it was simple reality. He delayed enough by having to move himself into Azula’s path. There wasn’t enough time left after that._

_His whole body was abuzz, his pulse ringing in his ears, his heart rate all over the place. He tried to reach out but could barely move, could only watch in horror whenever his eyes could open, erratically shuddering, drifting in and out of consciousness, the electricity he hadn’t managed to purge flowing through him and making his vitals go wild._

_Yet another scar from a “family” member. Yet another time he should have died._

_“Thank you, Katara,” he said weakly when she soothed his injury and cut off the static energy coursing through him._

_“I think I’m the one who should be thanking you.” She had tears in her eyes. She helped him up, hugged him, held him._

_There was no doubt, they were friends. All the struggle between them and there they were. Bonded like siblings. Close. Loved._

_Family. This is family._

***

Suki jolts upwards when Ty Lee knocks.

“Huh, whaa?” Sokka mumbles from beside her, covering his eyes when he feels the sunlight, not at all ready for the day to begin.

“Zuko’s in trouble.” She doesn’t even change, heading to the door in her nightclothes.

“Wait, what? How do you know?” Sokka is awake now.

“The code knock. It’s an emergency. Zuko’s in trouble. There’s no time.”

She doesn’t kiss Sokka goodbye like she normally would. He wouldn’t have wanted her to. She grabs her weapons from an armoire and runs. Sokka is a little concerned by her lack of armor— _shit,_ she’s not even wearing shoes—but he gets it. He’d have done the same.

In fact, he does.

***

_“I’m going to tell Katara,” Sokka told Zuko, and Zuko immediately started tapping his left palm with the fingertips of the same hand._

_Katara and Aang were on their way for a brief visit regarding news from King Kuei about ceding Earth Kingdom territory for a new project. Trying to do away with the colonies entirely resulted in an attempt on Zuko’s life, so he wanted to look for another solution. One that didn’t separate families made up of Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation parents. So he and Aang started planning._

_They wouldn’t be there long, they were only coming in for updates and to begin working on the next stage. Katara and Aang were planning on staying a couple of days at most, and their sole purpose was political._

_“I know it’s not an ideal visit for it, but I’ve wanted to tell her in person and I’m fucking dying keeping this in, babe.” Sokka smiled and held Zuko’s right hand. “I can’t keep you secret anymore. I can’t wait. I swear if I don’t tell her now, I’m gonna burst. And that’ll just make a big old mess no one wants to clean up.”_

_“You’re such a dick, Sokka.”_

_“Last I checked, you like dick—especially dick from me,” Sokka laughed, wiggling his eyebrows. “And besides, you love me.”_

_“I do.”_

_“And I love you. I love you so fucking much, and so does Suki, and I don’t want to hide it just because Katara’s here. It’s time my sister knows.”_

_Wide, terrified eyes softened. Stiff shoulders relaxed. Breathing slowed._

_“Okay.”_

_“Now, come here…”_

***

Sokka runs in behind Suki, entering a whirlwind of motion and a cacophony of clanging and sparkling.

There had to have been someone on the inside for this. Someone is going to be very busy sorting it all out over the next several days.

“Sokka, what the fuck are you doing?” Suki snaps as she raises her shield against an enemy dagger.

“I’m _helping,_ Suki!” His boomerang goes whirling, his sword parries against a blow.

It’s difficult for both of them not to stop to stare when they see Zuko, when they realize what he’s doing. They both know he’s never been able to do that before.

Unfortunately, they also can both tell he’s losing steam, and lightning strikes are rapidly falling into small flames. He’s losing focus.

He’s freaking out.

This is not the time for a meltdown or a panic attack, _this is not the fucking time._

They can’t blame him, but this means he needs them even more than they’d feared.

Suki can say whatever she wants about his being reckless and impulsive in following her here wearing nothing but thin silk sleep pants, Sokka’s glad he came.

“Where the fuck is Ty Lee?” Suki asks Zuko when she’s within range.

“Izumi,” he answers breathlessly.

He’s struggling to keep up. There’s so many of them, _how are there so many of them,_ and a few Kyoshi Warriors and palace guards have joined the fray but _there’s too fucking many of them._

Zuko comes out with a straight wall of fire and urges Suki to stand behind him. Sokka rushes to stand at his left, boomerang back in hand.

There’s a ring of fire around them now but a few assailants slip through. Firebenders. _Shit._

It would have been too much to hope that they’d all be relying on outside weaponry.

Thankfully there are additional firebenders on their side, too, but now Suki and Sokka can’t get out without getting burned unless Zuko lets his fire fall, and both of his partners are concerned he no longer _can._

“We’re gonna get out of this, babe,” Suki tells Zuko with as much confidence as she can muster. “We’re gonna be alright.”

“I love you both,” Zuko whispers. “If we don’t, I…”

“Nuh-uh, don’t talk like that,” Sokka cuts in. “I love you, too, but that is not how this is going to go down, okay?”

Sokka notices himself sweating and is hit with the physical memory of the heat coming up all around him and Toph’s hand slipping from his on that airship, but he can’t lose himself now. He cannot back down.

***

_“I won’t fight you!”_

_“You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher!”_

_A flaming hand hit him hard. He screamed in agony. His ears rang as his left burned and its natural shape distorted, a ringing which has never gone away since. He had never felt such torture, almost an entire half of his face scorching, the flesh searing, so vile even attendants were shouting at the sight but he didn’t know that much. He couldn’t see or hear, he could only feel, and it was pain like he could never in his whole life prior ever have imagined, greater than any pain he had ever experienced previously all put together, and then he felt nothing._

_The next thing he remembered was being held, being gently rocked, hearing Uncle Iroh cry._

_“I can’t lose you, too,” he whimpered. Zuko didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think._

_“My beloved Zuko, I can’t… I can’t…”_

_He had been offered no more than the most basic of medical care and forced out, and infection was quick to set in._

_He’d never even considered what a miracle it is he survived. He’s often wished he hadn’t._

***

The echo of swords and screaming is overwhelming, and Zuko is heading towards a full on panic.

He keeps on lashing out in fire and it’s starting to look good. Enemy numbers are dwindling. Maybe they really are going to make it.

Then there’s a loud _thwack_ sound nearby and Suki drops.

Sokka doesn’t even hear himself scream her name.

Zuko, however, does.

Fire flashes from quick spins, forms which are clearly airbender in nature but from which Zuko is able to yield incredible power in his element.

And then, he stops.

Sokka spots the knife in Zuko’s chest, and then he sees red.

The dead pile up around him, swinging without care, simultaneously numb and desperate. He is composed entirely of raw fury he cannot feel.

The sounds— _spirits, those terrible sounds_ —barely register, gasps and gurgles and squelches and thumps. Body after body hits the floor, mangled in a million different ways.

Sokka doesn’t know how many of these men he’s killed personally. He only stops when a Kyoshi Warrior catches the sword coming at her in her hand and shouts his name.

“Sokka!” she calls, panting. “Sokka, it’s me. It’s over. It’s okay.”

Yet another warrior in full Kyoshi attire is standing over Suki, whose eyes are opening already. She probably just caught something blunt to the head. Never a good scenario itself, and she’ll definitely need a thorough check over, but still lucky given what they’d just dealt with, and nothing like what Sokka had feared.

Zuko, on the other hand…

“No,” Sokka hears someone yell in a voice that sounds distinctly like his own. “Zuko, no.”

_Fuck, fuck, oh fuck, that’s a lot of blood, fuck…_

“Suki, wait,” a woman’s voice tries to stop her, but she drags herself to Sokka’s side.

“Come on, love,” Suki whines as she reaches towards Zuko. She is clearly disoriented and her voice is slurred and she looks like she’s going to be sick, but she effortlessly shrugs off any attempt to pull her away. “Zuko, love, come on…”

Two of her fellow warriors come up behind her and drag her away, and just in time as she immediately gives out and throws up all over one of Sokka’s kills. Hitting Zuko would have been the last thing they needed.

“Get her to the infirmary,” someone demands, and Suki wants to fight but she doesn’t have it in her, and two of her squad hold her up with her arms over their shoulders and help her out of the room.

“Suki, I love you,” Sokka calls out. “I love you, I’ll see you soon.”

He looks back at Zuko and _so fucking much blood,_ and he buckles over into wrecked sobbing.

He screams for help as though it isn’t already on its way, as though somehow no one else had noticed.

This is not how this ends. Zuko will be fine. Suki will be fine. They have to be.

They have to be.

***

_Sokka had taken a bad spill during a sparring match. He was there and then he wasn’t, and Suki didn’t realize he’d slipped from reality until he was already fumbling towards the ground._

_Zuko recognized it immediately, but he couldn’t stop her from taking the swing Sokka couldn’t react to or defend against in time._

_“Oh, fuck,” Suki cried out, fully aware of what had just happened, and Zuko ran to them from the edge of the sparring grounds._

_Sokka went down hard, face first, and they could hear his head slam where it landed. Suki started to panic when he didn’t get up._

_“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…”_

_Zuko held her from behind as she crumbled beside Sokka, bashing her knees into the wooden floorboards beneath them with a crack, and Zuko didn’t even try not to fall down with her._

_“I don’t know what I did,” she told Zuko between heavy breaths. “He’s never done that in practice with me before, I don’t know what I did, oh fuck…”_

_“You probably didn’t do anything,” Zuko said calmly. He was freaking out a little, too, but he wanted to be strong for her. He was always the panicky one. He could do this when she needed it. “It just happens sometimes. Believe me, I know. It’s not your fault.”_

_“I know, babe, I know you know, but…”_

_She thought she should have been more careful, more intuitive. She thought she should have paid closer attention, stopped before she brought him down when he was defenseless._

_It was windy outside that day. Sometimes the wind in his hair, against his skin, in his ears could be enough to set him off. He never even felt truly comfortable on Appa again after the airship strike. He’d do what he had to, will still travel by air when he can’t avoid it, but it’s impossible to say when it’ll be too much. And sometimes even on the ground, a breeze can take him back there. And sometimes it’s impossible to see it before they can keep him from being pulled into it completely._

_Sometimes. Far too often._

_Sokka tries so hard to hide it, tries so fucking hard to be brave, to be the strong one. But sometimes…_

_Suki exhaled in relief when she heard Sokka murmur. He started twitching, but it looked like he was on the edge of coming around._

_“Mom… Mom, no… Mom…”_

_They could barely make out the words which escaped him, but both their hearts broke._

_“I promise… Dad, I…I…I…I…I promise… They’ll be, be, be safe, be safe… Nnnng…”_

_“Oh, sweetheart,” Suki muttered under her breath, and then Sokka was trying to find her hand._

_“My head fucking hurts,” he slurred out after a moment of regaining awareness of his surroundings._

_“I’m gonna get you to a physician, babe,” she told him. “You’ll feel better soon.”_

_One pupil was dilated much wider than the other, but he smiled staring up at her and Zuko._

_“I’ll go,” Zuko said and kissed Suki’s shoulder. “Love you.”_

_Suki absently pet Sokka’s hand and Sokka started to hazily apologize._

_“Oh no, love, don’t you apologize for anything. Don’t you worry about a thing, babe. I love you so much.”_

_By the time Zuko returned she knew everything was fine, but Zuko still held her and let her cry while the physician looked him over._

_“I never want to hurt him.”_

_“I know, Suki. He knows, too. I know he does. He loves you. I love you. We both know we’re always safe with you.”_

_“I love you, too. And fuck, I hope so.”_

***

“I’m fine, Sokka,” Suki insists. “It’s just a concussion. We’ve all had concussions. You’ve had a fuck ton, yourself, come on. Nothing a decent waterbender can’t deal with. And I’ve already seen a waterbender. It’s all alright. It could be a lot worse, okay. Don’t worry so much.”

_It could be a lot worse._

“Yeah,” Sokka huffs. “Yeah, I know.”

“How is h—”

“They won’t fucking let me near him.” Sokka is shaking. He’s shaking so hard, Suki has trouble looking at him. “The knife was clean, they told me that. So it’s ‘only’ the stab wound but…but it looks fucking _bad,_ babe. They wouldn’t tell me how close it got to his heart. Not sure they knew yet. Or if they just didn’t want to break it to me. But they won’t let us see him. They said he’s not stable. We gotta wait until he’s stable. What does that even mean? What do they give a shit as long as we stay out of the way? Why can’t we see him _now?”_

“Sokka, I love you, but you have never stayed out of the way of anything in your entire life.”

“But…we’ve gotta get in there, Suki. They have to let us in. They know. They know who we are. There’s no way. They can’t keep us out. You can get us in. ‘Elite warrior trained for years in the art of stealth,’ right? Let’s do it, babe.”

“Let the healers work, love. We’ll see him when they let us.”

Sokka’s not sure he believes her, and he hears the tremor in her voice. She’s not sure she believes herself, either.

***

_“Suki!”_

_Zuko tried to look angry, soaking wet in his full Fire Lord robes, face up and staring at her from the turtleduck pond after she’d pushed him in._

_She just laughed and laughed, and Zuko couldn’t even pretend. The love in his eyes took over, even when Sokka further ruined Zuko’s pristine appearance by jumping into the shallow water on top of him._

_“This is not a very dignified look for the Fire Lord,” Zuko scowled as Suki leaned forward and splashed water over the both of them._

_“No one’s around, love,” Suki grinned at him. “Let your hair down every once in a while. Metaphorically, anyway.”_

_“Or literally,” Sokka smirked. “You do look damn good that way.”_

_“He looks damn good all the time, Sokka,” Suki reprimanded him, at which point Sokka reached up and pulled her down with them, and she fell in with a yelp._

_“Yeah, he does,” Sokka agreed, and Zuko blushed but all three of them kept on laughing, they couldn’t help it. They laughed and splashed at each other and teased and touched. And they felt so relaxed, so at ease._

_Later that night, Zuko collapsed in the palace courtyards with an arrow in his back. It wasn’t the first assassination attempt, far from it, and that’s why Suki was at his side—or at least that was the explanation all passersby assumed._

_They caught the zealous Ozai apologist responsible outside the gates. Security has stepped up over the years, a lone archer never stood a chance of making it out. So that was a relief, as far as Suki was concerned._

_What was difficult was having to tell Sokka what happened, and taking him to see Zuko after._

_Luckily the archer wasn’t a very good shot, so no lasting damage was done. However, it was excruciatingly painful, no matter how hard Zuko tried to hide it. Suki wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing at the end of the day that he remained fully conscious and aware as they pulled out the arrow and cleaned out the wound._

_Eventually they listened to Sokka when he begged them to sedate him, and Zuko was in too much pain to try to lie and say he was fine. Suki assured them she’d stand guard while he slept. That is her job, after all. That’s what she reminded them._

_In reality, both Suki and Sokka remained at Zuko’s bedside the whole night, neither of them sleeping. They were too busy holding his hands, stroking his hair. He still smelled a bit like pond water. They couldn’t help but smile at the memory of what had only been a few hours before but suddenly felt like an eternity past._

_It was a long night but he was cleared by morning. It wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. There was never any doubt he was going to survive the injury._

_“Rest now, love,” Sokka had to tell him when they returned to his chamber. “You still need to rest.”_

_Suki kissed his forehead and rubbed his shoulders. Sokka brought him tea, a custom brew from Iroh meant to combat insomnia._

_They held him so close. So, so close. Like they’d never let him go. They never wanted to let him go._

***

They sleep in the infirmary. Suki is fine and long since medically clear to leave but she doesn’t get up from the cot she’d occupied while they evaluated her. Sokka tries to stay awake but crashes on the floor.

“Commander Suki. Ambassador Sokka.”

The healer is stiff and stoic. A talented waterbender from the North. Sokka was initially pleased to see a man. It’s good to know they’re keeping to what Katara started in their dismantling of oppressive gender roles.

Sokka sits up and reaches for Suki’s hand. They crush each other’s when they meet, bracing for the worst.

“Lord Zuko lives, but his condition remains critical,” the healer informs them. “We were able to minimize the damage to his heart, but the injuries the Fire Lord sustained were grave and he has lost a great deal of blood. However, if you wish to see him, you may. Just be prepared.”

_Be prepared._

Both Sokka and Suki feel their hearts skip a beat at those words. They’ve seen this healer before. He’s shown them to Zuko’s bed while he clung to life more than once already. His tone now, knowing this, is ominous. It’s terrifying.

And when they do enter his room, neither are sure, in fact, they have ever seen Zuko this pale or his breathing this shallow. If they hadn’t just been told otherwise, they’d be certain they’re looking at a corpse.

Sokka almost falls over, seeing Zuko like this comes down on him so hard it feels like an actual, physical blow and it nearly overpowers him. He hears loud weeping, an awful howling noise, and he eventually figures out it’s coming from him.

Suki is crying, too, and she cannot take her eyes off Zuko. She wants to look away, wants to close her eyes and picture him smiling, laughing, coming, _anything,_ but all she has is this horrifying image she cannot look away from, perfectly and heart wrenchingly accompanied by the miserable soundtrack of Sokka’s wailing. Suki actually kind of wishes she could let go so hard, but she is more numb than anything. Frozen, tears falling but everything else stuck in stasis, emotions trapping themselves inward even as she longs to scream.

She’s glad to see Sokka not holding back, though. He holds back so much so often. He always feels like he has to be stronger than everyone else, like him breaking down is a sign of weakness even as he actively encourages others to let themselves break when they need to, like he has to take care of everyone else and sacrifice his own sanity in the process.

There are three chairs here. She pulls up two of them, figuring the other must be for the healer, and forces Sokka to sit. They stay as close to Zuko as they can get without climbing into the bed with him, touching him gently. And _oh fuck, he is so cold, he is so fucking cold, how can a man who is normally a damn human blast furnace get this cold, oh fuck, oh no, holy shit,_ but as long as they can be here and feel him with them then they know he’s real and it’s not over and they can hold onto hope, for as much as hope hurts right now.

***

_Zuko earned the Mark of the Brave when Hakoda took him ice dodging._

_Zuko stared at his reflection in an iced over pond, hyperfocused on the paint upon his forehead. Slightly off center, skewed right since he cowered when Hakoda got too close to his scar._

_“I botched the whole thing,” he sighed at Sokka. “I crashed the fucking boat. Why on earth did your dad give me a mark for that?”_

_“You can’t control the tides,” Sokka answered. “Even Katara’s not that good. It was a bad day. You did your best, and you kept us safe even as you lost control. Plus, you’re the first outsider ever to lead an ice dodging run. That’s brave, love. You deserve it.”_

_“I don’t feel like I deserve it.”_

_“Well, no shit.” Sokka laughed, even though he didn’t mean to. He just wanted to lighten the mood. “You never believe you deserve anything good. Doesn’t make it true.”_

_“Sokka…”_

_“Besides, my dad loves you. Like, he really loves you. He pretty much adopted you the second we got him to the Western Air Temple. So just shut up and enjoy it.”_

_But Sokka didn’t miss how Zuko flinched at Hakoda like he was waiting for a strike after he hit his first iceberg. It had taken everything in Sokka’s power not to forget what he was doing and run over to hold Zuko._

_“I still can’t believe your family could ever accept me. I don’t belong here.”_

_“Yes, you do, Zuko. You do belong here. My dad wants you here. My sister wants you here. My gran gran wants you here. You don’t get to decide they’re wrong.”_

_“But why—”_

_They didn’t always, that much was true. The first time Sokka took Zuko home with him, he’d been pelted by snowballs from the children who remembered him. He saw how some parents hid their children like it was another raid. It made him feel sick, seeing how some people there still perceived him. He couldn’t blame them, but that didn’t make it any easier to handle._

_It’s changed since then, though. Sokka’s tribe had become more accepting. Some had even started to like Zuko. And those closest to Sokka were trusting his judgment, which meant trusting Zuko even if that went against their own._

_“Because you’re a good person,” Sokka tried to convince him. Sokka is forever trying to convince him. “Because you are worthy of love. And because no matter what else, I love you. I love you so damn much and that means you always have a home here, too.”_

_“I don’t deserve you, ei—”_

_“Hey. Jerk Lord. I don’t know what the fuck I did to deserve you, alright? But you don’t see me complaining about it. If you or Suki ever figure out you can do way better, then I’m fucked, but until then I’m not gonna—”_

_Zuko cut him off with a long, tender kiss. At no point did they even notice Bato approach them, clear his throat to try getting Sokka’s attention, and then slowly walk away._

_They did notice, though, when Suki slid over to them and wrapped her arms around them both. She wore the Mark of the Wise. Sokka’s heart sang seeing the two of them being part of his tribe’s traditions._

_“Oh dear, we’re not having sad boy hours again over here, are we?” she teased them._

_“Not anymore,” Zuko responded with a kiss upon her cheek, which she followed by moving her mouth to his._

_“Yeah, not anymore,” Sokka echoed, and then her lips shifted to meet him._

***

“I’ve sent a hawk to Ba Sing Se,” the healer says to one of the junior physicians outside the room. “Lord Iroh will know of the Fire Lord’s condition soon. Hopefully he can be here in no more than a week’s time.”

Suki’s heart sinks. Sokka’s head spins.

Summoning Iroh is not standard protocol for these situations. It’s not the first time, but it’s also not every time.

No, summoning Iroh means they’re not expecting this to end well.

It means they’re expecting this to end.

Sokka and Suki are yet just sitting there, silent and still, holding each other’s hands while also laying hands on Zuko.

Sokka wonders if there’s any chance they’ve sedated him to aid with pain or healing or whatever it could help, or if it is only that he hasn’t woken up. He thinks he knows the answer. He doesn’t want to be correct, so he doesn’t ask.

Zuko isn’t supposed to feel cold. He always feels like he’s burning alive when they touch. Intense heat coming from medium to close range is often triggering to Sokka these days, but it’s comforting when it’s from Zuko. He has the sun inside him. His warmth is safety and calm.

But now his skin feels like it’s made of ice. His pallor is like snow. Everything about this is wrong. It’s all so wrong.

This is what happens whenever Zuko tries to make a big change. He is only trying to do good. But even after all these years since Zuko was crowned, so many Fire Nation citizens have remained so afraid of progress, and trying to move his country in the right direction also means _so many of these ungrateful assholes feel compelled to murder him._

Katara explained the stages of shock to Sokka once. He doesn’t remember it very well, possibly because right now he doesn’t fucking want to, but he does recall the end result being total organ failure and then death.

He doesn’t know how far down the line Zuko might be, if that’s even what’s happening to him. Again, he cannot bring himself to ask.

Sokka is pretty sure that if he could bend any element, something would be exploding as he loses himself in his thoughts. He’s shaking again. He is spiralling completely.

“Sokka, love,” Suki whispers. “I’ve got you.”

Her voice cracks. Every emotion she couldn’t let out earlier comes crashing through. It is almost a relief to fall apart.

Outside there is arguing. Ty Lee is trying to comfort Mai. Mai is trying to hold back Izumi. Izumi is screaming for her dad. She doesn’t understand what’s happening but she knows she’s scared. She understands enough that she knows she’s right to be scared.

Suki heaves forward, her forehead resting against the edge of Zuko’s bed. She cries openly, aggressively, and she can’t stop even though now she wants to, now she doesn’t want the sound to carry far enough to worry Izumi any further. But if she can hear them, then surely they can hear her.

Izumi is begging to be let in. Izumi is in a panic. But this also means Izumi is safe, that no one got to her. Ty Lee is fighting with her wife, forcibly escorting both Mai and Izumi away from the infirmary entirely.

Izumi is safe, though. If Zuko does come out of this, he’ll have his daughter. If anything had happened to her, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself anyway. If anything happened to her, he may not survive it even if he does wake up.

There’s a knock, and then someone comes up behind Suki and Sokka and rests her hands on their shoulders.

It’s Ursa. Her hands are freezing, too.

***

_“Oh fuck, where did you find this guy, love?” Sokka laughed after finally paying a visit to the royal masseur. “My shoulders haven’t felt this loose since…umm, ever?”_

_“He tried to mug Uncle once in Ba Sing Se,” Zuko told him. “Uncle told him to follow his dreams, and now here he is.”_

_“You’re joking.”_

_“I am not.”_

_“Of course you’re not.” Sokka shook his head, smiling wide. That was so on brand for Iroh, it was absolutely delightful._

_“Where’s Suki?” Sokka asked as he stretched his arms over his head and twisted his upper body around in almost full semi-circles, taking in the full feeling of how relaxed his muscles were._

_“Having tea with Uncle. He just got in. I was heading to join them, and we thought you’d want to come.”_

_“I always want to see your uncle! Toph wasn’t fucking around when she told us about how good he is at tea and advice.”_

_Zuko cringed a little at Sokka’s reference to a time before their friendship, and was met with a slap to the arm._

_“Don’t give me that look, babe. I know what you’re thinking but I don’t care about our past. I just care that you’re my future.”_

_Ty Lee directed them towards the library, which was locked so that they would not be disturbed._

_Iroh hugged Sokka and Zuko, and then explained the process of his most recent recipe as he poured two more cups._

_“It’s delicious,” Suki told him, and Sokka and Zuko nodded when they tried it, too. “It’s always so good to see you, Iroh.”_

_“Have you ever considered opening a second location?” Sokka asked, and no one could tell if he was serious or not. “Put someone else in charge of the Ba Sing Se Jasmine Dragon and then start one here? So you never have to leave?”_

_Zuko elbowed him. It was easier than having to admit he wanted that more than anything._

_“We will see what destiny has in store for us,” was all Iroh had to say._

***

The healers have decided to try submersion. This idea has two purposes: to raise his body temperature and to maximize his response to healing waters.

The water is warm. When his partners reach in to touch him, he feels much more like himself. It’s not really him, they know, but it helps ease their minds a tiny bit. It’s not nearly as jarring as the cold clamminess was.

The primary healer sits to the side of the large tub of water with his hands on Zuko’s chest. All the water glows with healing energy, but it is most concentrated around the man’s fingers. Sokka recognizes this from all the times he’s seen Katara use her healing skills, and the familiarity of the process brings him a small amount of comfort and hope.

The raised, jagged memory of where the knife pierced through is much worse than either Sokka or Suki had imagined. It looks like the assailant was able to twist the blade before being taken down. And so close to the scar Azula gave him the day of the Great Comet…

It’s painful to see. But they still have to be hopeful here. He’s going to heal. That’s what they’re both telling themselves.

No one is trying to stop them from spending all their time at Zuko’s side anymore. They were asked to give a physician space all of once, and Sokka pinned her to the wall and started repeatedly shouting the words “over my dead body.” Suki pulled him off of her, but that was the end of that.

And at some indiscernible point, someone brought Sokka a shirt.

“Come on, love,” Sokka mutters under his breath. “Come on, love, you’re so strong. You can do this. You’ll make it. You have to.”

Suki can’t seem to speak, so she just nods into the crook of Sokka’s neck, where she’s been resting her head. She is watching Zuko intently but _fuck,_ she is so tired. Sokka used to be the one who got cranky after too little sleep, but he’s gotten more used to it over the years. Suki can generally operate pretty well on only a few hours at a time, her warrior training having ingrained in her the ability to spring at a moment’s notice and persevere through exhaustion, but neither of them have gotten even that much lately. An accidental fifteen minute nap here and there, sure, but never do they mean to and it’s nothing a normal person would qualify as actual sleep.

“He has survived far worse,” Iroh says to them from the doorway. “I do not believe his destiny is finished yet.”

He has survived far worse. He has survived far worse. He has survived so much.

Somehow this doesn’t make them feel any better.

***

_“Hey, you wanna do something really, really stupid?” Sokka was already giggling before Zuko or Suki could answer. This was either going to be amazing or terrible._

_“Oh no,” Suki laughed. “Whatever you call ‘really, really stupid’ has to be monumental!”_

_“Alright, let’s hear it.” Zuko sounded exasperated, but it was in a tone Sokka and Suki had figured out was his trying to express sarcasm. He was still learning it and took a while to pick up on his tones, but it was clear to them there._

_“So, did I ever tell you about the time Katara, Aang, Toph, and I got lost in the Si Wong Desert after the giant library owl spirit tried to kill us and Appa got stolen?”_

_“Oh shit, I know where this is going,” Suki stared at Sokka._

_“Wait, I don’t,” Zuko told her. “I knew Appa was stolen but I never heard anything about an owl or a desert. What is…”_

_Sokka went on to tell the story of “the quenchiest” cactus juice and how he spent the entirety of the infamously deadly trek tripping balls, and he was laughing at himself through the whole story but Zuko still needed it spelled out for him at the end._

_“Love, he has cactus juice with him now,” Suki explained to him. “This asshole got more cactus juice and he wants us to try it with him.”_

_“Hey, we’re on vacation!” Sokka proclaimed. “Live a little!”_

_They were on Ember Island, away from the palace and on a break from all their responsibilities, that much was true._

_It may or may not have been worth bringing up that they only took this vacation upon the insistence of Zuko’s advisors after nearly two straight weeks of constant panic attacks, forgetting to eat, and refusing to sleep led to him passing out in the courtyards, complete with an audience, at which point it was officially determined he was to take a week off whether he liked it or not._

_But Sokka had probably already taken this into consideration when he made this suggestion, and both Suki and Zuko knew it._

_They were out of the capital and would have the rest of the week to recover before returning to the palace, and Izumi was visiting Iroh in Ba Sing Se with Mai and Ty Lee. They had nothing to lose, really, so they agreed to try out Sokka’s ridiculous idea._

_“Oh fuck, that kicks in quick,” Suki noted when she started feeling it almost instantly. “Whoo, oh man, oh Sokka, you were not joking…”_

_Sokka was just laughing, harder and harder and harder and harder, lying on his back, staring at the ceiling._

_“Now’s a good time to ‘think about our place in the universe,’ huh, babe?”_

_“Fuck, Sokka, Aang told you about that?”_

_“Sure did.”_

_For some reason that was the funniest thing they’d ever heard. Suki snorted, and Zuko doubled over._

_“Not sure how the fuck my place in the universe became being Fire Lord,” Zuko mused. “Being a world leader sucks. No fun. Do not recommend.”_

_Sokka thought to comment on how he was heading down the world leader path himself and it’s largely Zuko’s fault, but Suki spoke first._

_“But Iroh was right, babe.” Suki reached for Zuko’s hand. She couldn’t tell how close to or far from him she was, but she managed to find him and lock fingers. “It had to be you. Destiny.”_

_“And you’re doing a great job,” Sokka added. “Fuck knows you have a big ass mess to clean up, but there’s no one else in the world Aang would have trusted to do it.”_

_“Thanks,” Zuko whispered, unconvinced._

_“Hey,” Sokka drawled out, rolling over and resting his head between Zuko’s knees, poking at them. “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Did you know. Did you know. That you are. Like. So fucking pretty.”_

_Zuko instinctively covered his scar with his free hand, even as he replied, “So you’ve said.”_

_“But you really are,” Sokka continued. “And Suki. Suuuuuuuuuuuuki. You’re so fucking hot. You’re both fucking gorgeous. How do such beautiful people like me so much?”_

_“It’s because you’re pretty, too, dumbass,” Suki chuckled. “I got me the prettiest boys in the world.”_

_“Oh, just the prettiest boys, not the prettiest people?” Sokka tried his best to sound offended. “Well, I’ll be damned. She thinks she can find anyone hotter than us, Zuko. I say we riot.”_

_“You know damn well what I meant, dickhead,” Suki kicked him. “I only have eyes for you two and you know it.”_

_“Well, there was that one time with Ty Lee…”_

_“Wait, what?” Zuko was laughing again, and Suki kicked Sokka again._

_“It actually was only one time, though!” Suki genuinely sounded a bit defensive, and for some reason Sokka found that hilarious. “And don’t pretend you weren’t into it, too. But that was just a fling for fun, it was never going to be anything serious. Ty Lee was way too into Mai and we were way too into you, Zuko, even though somehow our sweet Sokka thought I didn’t know that. So you know, we all just needed to blow off some steam while we waited.”_

_“Hm,” Zuko sighed. “Destiny, I guess.”_

_“Yeah,” Sokka nuzzled into his thighs. “Destiny.”_

_The rest of the night became much more casual, freely discussing total nonsense and just laughing all through it, although the next day Zuko did awkwardly declare he never again wanted to ingest a hallucinogenic substance. He admitted how hard it was for him not to show at the time how much the experience of shifting outside of reality like that scared him but how he felt he had to hide it while they were in it, and that led to a long, sober talk about his mental state and an even longer period of cuddles._

***

Sokka jerks up from Suki’s shoulder. He’d fallen asleep again, and clearly so had she since his sudden motion gives her a start.

They have no idea how long it’s been since the attack. They have no way of judging how much time has passed. And they don’t really care, not for themselves. They’re not going anywhere. Not until Zuko opens his eyes.

Because Zuko is _going to_ open his eyes. He has to. It doesn’t end like this. It can’t.

There’s a tray of fruit and crackers and tea nearby. They are informed that Iroh and Ursa brought it for them. They don’t look at it again.

They are both aware they’re being hypocrites, that they would be endlessly lecturing Zuko for taking care of himself so poorly if the roles were reserved. They don’t care. They will welcome the opportunity to be yelled at over it.

But Zuko’s breathing is normalizing. His pulse is no longer quite so weak. Some of the color is slowly returning to his cheeks. There is progress. The healer’s plans are working.

It’s becoming less painful to believe. It’s so fucking difficult to be patient, but hope doesn’t feel like so much of a burden anymore.

They’re leaving him in the water full time. Even when the healer isn’t present, it seems to retain its qualities well enough to last until he returns.

And this is, they’ve been told, a technique invented by Katara, which has brought her much success.

***

_Sokka has no memory of the events of the attack between when Zuko fell and the fight was over. He lost time, lost control, left his body, fought back in a dissociative trance. There was no Sokka, there was only his blade._

_Others saw. Others witnessed. Others remembered. They saw his anguish, his fear. No one was ever going to tell him._

_“Don’t you dare leave me,” Sokka screamed. He screamed so loud. It sent chills through the spines of everyone in the room, alarmed members of both sides of the battle in equal measure._

_“Don’t you fucking dare leave me.” Sokka then spotted the man leering down at Zuko, the man who’d planted the knife. “You. You motherfucker. You won’t take him. You won’t take him, you son of a bitch.”_

_There was a swing, and then another body fell. He was dead before he hit the ground. Sokka’s boomerang spun around them all again and again and again, and his sword took care of anyone who was able to get out of its path._

_“Fuck,” Sokka cried out as he hopped over Suki. He couldn’t lose them both, he wouldn’t lose them both._

_“Don’t you fucking leave.” His voice was raw and shaky, but somehow the tremor of his hands did nothing to dull the impeccable finesse of his swordsmanship. Piandao has been a great teacher. So, in fact, have both Zuko and Suki._

_Zuko, who was on the floor, bleeding profusely and rapidly fading out. Suki, who was on the floor, knocked unconscious with the extent of injury unknown._

_Sokka had no way to know._

_“Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay with me.”_

_He choked back tears. He swung._

***

They both realize they’d dozed off yet again when they are startled out of their seats by Zuko moving.

Sokka runs for help, and Suki tries to talk to Zuko. Whether or not he can hear her, she’s putting in the effort. She’s scared he’s going to hurt himself, the way he’s thrashing, but somehow she’s now feeling the most hopeful she has yet.

“Zuko, love,” she whispers to him. She slips her arm beneath his head and gently grips his shoulders, her best attempt at keeping him from bashing his head off of the hard surface of the back of the tub. “You’re gonna be okay, right? We need you to be okay, okay? Please, love, you have so many people waiting for you to get better. We miss you. We miss you so much…”

Sokka returns with the healer, who just looks on quizzically. For a second, Suki is certain Sokka is going to punch him.

He mumbles something about how these treatments appear to be doing _something_ but can’t elaborate, and his face remaining unpunched continues to be a miracle.

Sokka reminds himself he’s just doing his job. He has to keep reminding himself he’s just doing his job.

The man allows Suki to stay where she is and asks Sokka to fetch more water, as much has been splashed around the room. Sokka obliges, however annoyed he may be in doing so, and while waiting for Sokka to return he bends as much remaining water as he can into his hands on Zuko’s chest, and it looks like he is actually expecting something to happen from here.

Sokka returns with a bucket of fresh water and is instructed to pour it in, and it appears Zuko’s body is beginning to calm. Sokka’s eyes are burning but he pushes that down, tries to ignore and avoid feeling literally anything until they have any idea of what the fuck this means.

***

_Zuko has always hated his birthday. He has hated it even more since becoming Fire Lord and its being treated like a national holiday._

_His twenty-sixth birthday was spent in his quarters. He simply did not show up to any of the ceremonies which demanded his appearance._

_It had been ten years then. He was only sixteen at his coronation, at the end of the war, during that year of reclaiming his honor, of the whole mess of losing himself and finding himself and betrayal and redemption._

_It gave him way too much to think about, and there was no way he could handle the public and the spectacles and the crowds. It was hard enough normally. That was just not happening._

_“I wonder how old we’ll be before our ages catch up with our experience,” Zuko said to Sokka and Suki. He outright refused to see anyone else. He would not entertain celebration and expectation. If people wanted him to make a deal out of his birthday at all, then they were just going to have to accept this was the only way he wanted to do it and he wasn’t fucking apologizing for avoiding the scheduled events of what was ostensibly his “special day.”_

_“I’m pretty sure we’ll die first,” Sokka said like it was nothing._

_The three of them lazily passed around a bottle of plum wine, and they had a few more around the room on reserve. Staff had been forbidden from bothering them. They barred the door with a chair for added security._

_“Maybe let’s not talk that way today,” Suki sighed. “Or, for that matter, ever.”_

_“I’m not sure he’s wrong, Suki. And hey, we all die eventually anyway.”_

_“Well, my darlings, we’re not dying today. Or anytime soon. So drink up and settle in. I have no plans to lose either of you.”_

***

“So it would appear the reason Lord Zuko has yet to regain consciousness is actually a result of the progress of his recovery.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Sokka hasn’t slept at all in two days. Or something like that. It’s hard to tell. So biting his tongue or filtering his thoughts at all is currently outside the realm of his capabilities entirely.

“It means he’s improving, Ambassador Sokka. His body is healing, but gradually, and his lingering state is a protection mechanism. It is easier for that gradual progress to maintain itself while in a state of rest. The healing process itself, with all of the extra steps we’ve taken, is acting as a natural sedative. He is not in pain, that will help. He needs rest to heal. He will wake up when he’s stable enough. But I am now as certain as I can be that he _will_ wake up.”

“Well, that’s…something. I guess.” Sokka isn’t willing to get too excited about his prognosis. He’s too tired to feel much of anything, and he’s been holding onto hope as well as he can but he’s not quite ready for all out _belief._

“You should get some rest, Ambassador. You and Commander Suki should consider spending some time in an actual bed.” His eyes gravitate towards Suki, who is curled up on the floor. She hadn’t slept for a couple of days either, but about an hour ago her exhaustion got the best of her. She can’t possibly be comfortable, but if she’s resting at all then Sokka doesn’t have the heart to disturb her.

“I’ll sleep when he’s awake.”

“As you say, sir.”

Sokka gets up and walks over to Zuko. He kisses his forehead and brushes back his hair with his fingers.

He doesn’t want to get too ahead of himself. But after what the healer said, Zuko looks almost…peaceful. It is true he doesn’t get enough rest. If he truly will be okay, maybe a few days of forced sleep isn’t the worst thing.

But he doesn’t want to get too ahead of himself. He won’t get too ahead of himself. Not now. Not yet.

He kisses Zuko’s cheek. He closes his eyes and swallows. He is too tired to cry.

He then lays down beside Suki and wraps his arms around her. But he isn’t going to fall asleep. He doesn’t expect to fall asleep. He doesn’t mean to fall asleep.

He dreams.

He loses Suki when the airship spirals out of control. He loses Toph when he can’t hold on any longer and can’t fight off all the troops on their heels. He falls from the ship and lands at Boiling Rock. He is caught and locked away. He never finds out what happened to his father. And Katara doesn’t miss him. Aang doesn’t miss him. He was only holding them back. He is back with the invasion forces on the Day of Black Sun. They’re losing and it’s all his fault. It’s all his fault. Zuko is killed because they believe he deserves it, they don’t understand what he’s been through. But Zuko goes willingly. He’s okay with it. He doesn’t put up a fight. He’s ready to end it because he does know what he’s been through. Yue laughs. His mother cries. He is falling, falling, falling, falling, falling from the sky…

He wakes up struggling to breathe, and Suki barely stirs when he bolts to his feet and slumps back into his chair.

“Sokka?” A quiet, raspy voice. Hoarse, hard to find, hard to hear. Sokka’s name comes out in a strangled whisper, and his eyes open wide.

_Zuko._

Sokka is shouting. “Zuko. Zuko, fuck, love, babe, Zuko, sweetheart. Suki, get up. Suki, Zuko’s awake. Oh fuck, Zuko, it is so good to hear your voice. I love you. Oh spirits, I was so afraid I wasn’t going to see you again. I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you…”

And then Suki’s up, too, and Zuko is staring blankly as they both start crying, both of them soaking their sleeves reaching for him.

“What… How long…”

“Shh…”

“Shush, baby.”

“You’re here now.”

“We’re here now.”

“Just relax.”

“It’s okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

***

_“Mmm, oh, fuck,” Zuko sighed. He was smiling. It’s always so good to see him smile._

_Sokka and Suki were just as worn out and sweaty and disheveled, all three of them in dire need of a bath and a hairbrush._

_Totally worth it._

_But Zuko most of all. His hair has always been the most pullable._

_“Fuck, you’re so beautiful when you smile like that,” Sokka whispered. Leave it to Sokka to come down and move all of his focus towards Zuko’s smile of all damn things._

_Zuko, eyes glazed, blissful and beaming through lips swollen from rough kisses and long, dragging bites._

_“I wish you could look this happy all the time,” Sokka sighed and he sounded so genuinely sad, it made Zuko’s heart drop._

_“Sokka, sweetheart…” Suki cupped Sokka’s cheek. “Take it right now, okay?”_

_“If I recall, you and Zuko were the ones taking it. But I wanna take it next time, yeah. Mm, yeah.” Sokka laughed, switching to deflection._

_Zuko ran his fingers through Sokka’s hair, those gorgeous but ever so sad eyes of his gazing deep into Sokka’s. “Suki’s right. This is where I wanna be. Just let it be right now.”_

_Suki rolled over and kissed the back of Sokka’s neck, stretched out to take Zuko’s other hand._

_One of the many perks of being with Zuko is the beds. They’re always more than big enough._

_The three of them sprawled out affectionately, muttering endearments and proclamations of love._

_Sokka got lost in thought, though. His mind wandered back to Suki seeing a therapist after the war, of having to process the shit she saw just like everyone else did. But in Suki’s case, therapy had worked wonders. After a year she was released, and she never felt the need to return. She promised she would if it ever did become necessary, and Sokka believed her, but it hasn’t. She had her issues to deal with, but they weren’t so long term._

_Sokka and especially Zuko’s trauma had years on hers, and they had both long since realized they would never be entirely okay. They’ll always be a bit of a mess. But there’s a peace in being not okay together. There’s a peace in sharing their mess with each other. And even though Suki will never get it on the same level, it’s always helped that she hasn’t been without her emotional demons. They help each other._

_They would be so fucking lost without each other._

***

The healers and physicians were holding back on them, they quickly discover.

Iroh and Ursa knew. Sokka and Suki had been kept in the dark because they aren’t technically family.

Sokka doesn’t usually care he can’t legally marry both of his partners. They all know how they feel, where they stand, and that’s enough.

But at the moment he is _livid,_ and now it’s Suki who has to hold back from punching the medical staff.

But at the same time, they have to thank and praise every single spiritual entity ever that could have been looking out for them, to _thank fucking everything_ for Zuko’s success in building close relationships with the other nations. Because without goodwill between the Fire Nation and the Water Tribe, they would never have had a waterbender present. Without having a waterbender present, Zuko would have been dead within the first hour.

The knife made contact with his heart. Zuko was stabbed in the chest and it got through to his heart. It’s a miracle he made it, but that never would have been a chance at all were it not for his own leadership.

For as much as Zuko can hate being Fire Lord, Sokka and Suki could not be more grateful.

Ursa touches both their shoulders again. Her hands are still cold. Not as frighteningly frigid as they were before, but still cold.

This was too close. This was too fucking close.

“I saw Lu Ten,” Zuko tells Iroh in a medicated daze. They’re keeping him under observation for at least a few more days, and he is yet fairly out of it. “Uncle, I… He said I couldn’t leave you yet. He said it’s not your fault he did.”

Iroh openly weeps. For the first time since the incident, Sokka and Suki step out of the room. This is not their moment to intrude upon. This is between Zuko and Iroh.

Later, Mai and Ty Lee bring in Izumi. They don’t let Zuko hold her, but he grips her hand as she sits in Mai’s arms.

“Mommy said you got hurt.” Izumi still sounds scared. She’s only a child, but she knows.

She has more of a childhood than Zuko ever did, though. He makes damn sure of that.

“I was,” he tells her. “But I’m okay now.”

“Are you gonna get hurt again?”

He doesn’t know how to answer. He doesn’t want her to worry about such matters, he wants her to be able to be a kid, but he also won’t make any promises he can’t keep.

“Mama Suki and Mama Ty Lee are always looking out for me,” he decides on. “They’re strong warriors and it’s their job to keep me safe. You don’t need to worry about that, Izumi. That’s what they’re here for.”

“And because we love you both very, very much,” Suki adds. “We all do.”

Izumi reaches for Suki, and Mai passes her into Suki’s arms.

“And Mama Ty Lee and Mama Suki are very good at what they do, honey.” Mai is trying not to cry, for Izumi’s sake. “Nice thing about having such a big family is always having someone to watch your back.”

Mai is much softer now, since Izumi was born. Now everyone sees the sides of her once only Zuko and Ty Lee even believed she possessed. Since cutting off her birth family and embracing this one, she isn’t constantly on the defensive any longer. It’s been a lovely transition to see.

And Izumi is the most beloved child in all the world, they’re all sure of it. Neither Zuko nor Mai, nor Sokka nor Suki nor Ty Lee, could ever have given her anything less.

“I love you, Mommy,” Izumi tells Suki as she hugs her tight.

She calls Suki and Ty Lee “mom” as readily and easily as Mai, and she calls Sokka “dad” as readily and easily as Zuko. Biological connections be damned, they all knew going in that Izumi was getting five parents. This was always the plan, and it’s perfect.

“I love you, too, sweetie.”

“Come on, Iz, let’s give Daddy some space,” Ty Lee suggests. Zuko still looks so tired and no one wants to push him, but especially not in front of his daughter. Izumi doesn’t need the details of how hard Zuko’s body had to work just to keep him alive. It’s good that she sees him now, but it’s best to keep the visit brief.

“Goodnight, Daddy.” Izumi understands enough.

Zuko doesn’t even have any clue what time of day it actually is. Sokka and Suki don’t, either.

But Izumi understands enough.

***

_“She has a cold, Zuko. You don’t have to watch her like this. Go to sleep.”_

_Mai rubbed Zuko’s back as he held his vigil over their infant daughter. He refused to leave her side while she was sick, no matter how much Mai protested, and no matter how serious he knew the illness wasn’t._

_“Your boyfriend and your girlfriend miss you, you know,” Mai tried. “They’re worried about you making yourself sick, too.”_

_“And so is your wife, I know,” Zuko replied tersely. “She came by to yell at me earlier.”_

_“Then maybe you should listen. We only bitch at you because we love you, Zuko.”_

_“And I—”_

_“I know how much you love Izumi. Everyone knows how much you love Izumi. The whole court watched you cry like a baby at her birthday, remember? Don’t worry, it’s far from subtle. So she’ll know it, too. We all know you’re not…”_

_“She will never doubt her father loves her. She will always know how much her father loves her. She will know I’ll never hurt her. She will know I will always be there for her. I can’t leave her when she’s suffering, Mai. She will know nothing but love and support and comfort.”_

_“It doesn’t always work that way, Zuko. We won’t always be able to protect her from everything. And right now, all she needs is to sleep this off. You can’t save her from getting the sniffles.”_

_“I should be able to. I should be able to save her from everything. I should be able to keep her from ever having to hurt.”_

_Zuko had to have a child as a matter of political obligation. Mai offered her assistance not only because of their friendship but, being born of Fire Nation nobility, as a means of securing political appeasement. But this was never going to mean that child wouldn’t be loved. It was known from the beginning that no matter the origins of her conception, their child would be well cared for, endlessly adored, unquestionably loved._

_“You’re already the best dad she could ever ask for, okay? You really are. I was honestly never sure I wanted kids, but I’m so happy I got to have one with you. Because look at her. Look at you. I’m so lucky to have this kind of love in my life. But there’s nothing you can do right now except take care of yourself. Running yourself ragged isn’t the best example to set, you know. Go to bed. Go be with your partners. Izumi will be all better come morning, you’ll see.”_

_Mai was right, she was. By morning Izumi was back to normal. She was such a happy baby, always laughing and smiling. Zuko would probably never stop being terrified of fatherhood after everything he’s gone through, but no one else could ever doubt he was giving her his all, giving her the best life he could._

***

Zuko is relieved to be back in his own bed, to no longer be forced to sleep alone.

He has been made aware he hasn’t actually slept alone once since the attack, but it’s so nice to have his partners _in bed_ with him, as opposed to just camped out nearby while medical practitioners counted down the hours by his chances of survival.

Ursa’s going home tomorrow. No one blames her. Zuko is grateful she stayed in this abyss of bad memories as long as she did.

Iroh, on the other hand, appears to be staying indefinitely. Sokka wonders if maybe this will finally be the time destiny dictates he doesn’t leave.

Zuko is being forced to take off for the next fortnight at minimum. He’s been told they’ll look him over again after that and then reassess whether or not he is fit to return to work.

It’s just a safety precaution, they know. Zuko tried to fight it, but it was insisted he needs to take the time to rest and recover his strength.

“You deserve a break after all that,” Sokka says.

“And we deserve to spend that break with you, love,” Suki adds with a smirk. “We spent too much time without you. It’s only fair you should have to make it up to us.”

“Well, when you put it like that, how could I possibly say no?”

“You can’t, love,” Sokka answers without hesitation. “You’re stuck with us for the next couple of weeks and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about us.”

“But why would he want to?” Suki smiles, laughs softly. It feels good to laugh again.

“I love you.” Zuko smiles, too. It’s always a wonderful sight when Zuko smiles like this. “I love you both so much. I am so lucky.”

“So are we, babe,” Sokka whispers.

“So are we,” Suki echoes.

Zuko lies between them. Zuko is centered as usual. His skin feels like fire again.

Being the Fire Lord comes with a lot of baggage. Too much baggage. Zuko doesn’t get how they don’t get tired of him for a lot of reasons, but this fact is certainly one of them.

“I love you,” they both repeat, over and over and over and over and over.

“I love you,” he replies, over and over and over and over and over again right back.

Lips and limbs wander freely. Love spills out all around them in words and gestures.

_Love, don’t leave us. Loves, don’t leave me. Love, don’t leave us. Loves, don’t leave me._

_Love, love, loves. Don’t leave._

_Mine. Ours. Always._

_Don’t leave._

**Author's Note:**

> I have written before on the forming of this Zukki as well as the whole dynamic with Izumi, if anyone is interested. I have no clue how many repeat readers I get in this fandom (tbh I am still amazed I have readers at all in this fandom) so I don't want to constantly repeat things in-story but I also don't want to assume I don't need to, you know?
> 
> Also I know I said wibbly wobbly medical wedical in the notes above and I am sure that stands overall, but the part where Sokka talks to himself and seems to dive deep into memories after Suki takes him down is actually based on my own experiences with passing out and that being a thing I know I do. So yeah.
> 
> Also anything related to mental health and/or trauma is always written with utmost care and from a place of far, far too much personal experience.


End file.
